


In his Heart

by Harukami



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, M/M, Other, Spoilers, set after ch 200
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 10:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukami/pseuds/Harukami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This time, they'd go together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In his Heart

Kanda told the Order that Alma's last resting spot was his knowledge, and his alone, and that he'd never give that up to them. He even told that to Allen -- to the one person who knew where they'd gone. There was good reason to. He didn't want Alma to be found by the Order again. Alma certainly died; he'd seen it all, held him to the end. But he'd seen Alma die once before and was lied to for ten years. He knew Alma died before that, as well, and was brought back, the same as him.

He'd learned too many times over that the Order was capable of things he hadn't even imagined. If the Order had access to Alma's body, _something_ would happen. They'd do _something_. Another hideous desecration. Another abomination. Besides, even if there was nothing they could do with the husk that was left when the dark matter finished tearing through him, he didn't want the Order laying a finger on Alma ever again. If that was the only kindness he had left for Alma, it was the one he would ensure.

He did, in fact, bury Alma. Parts of Alma he buried there in Mater, under the shifting sands, in the shade of decaying, ancient buildings. The rest he packaged up, with dry tears and gentle fingers, though even his careful touch was enough to send Alma's corpse crumbling into more pieces. As he made his way back, he buried pieces along the way. Perhaps it wouldn't mean much; but it felt like a good _fuck you_ to them regardless. _There's no one place you can look and dig up all of him. You'll never find much._

Ultimately, the outer parts wouldn't determine if they could do anything with him. His heart -- his core -- was the key to Alma's self. Kanda didn't really know how it worked. He had no interest in either the science of it or the magic in it. The most concern he ever had was that it was in him, and it was what kept him alive and barely human, dying and coming back enough times to make any idea of mortality a pathetic joke. Ultimately it, too, was probably how they'd brought Alma back from the impossible situation Kanda had visited on him when they were children. Their flesh was meaningless, just a constructed body to hold the soul and brain they'd shoved in. The brain wasn't important any more either -- the core had taken over its role once activated. Even if it was the only thing left, they'd live.

Alma's core, when he had taken it from his crumbled, empty body, was cracked and broken, all markings faded from it. It looked like it had seen its end. Kanda had held it in his hand and felt only a sort of amused anger. 

He'd cracked it on a rock, drawn a deep breath, and shoved a shard into his chest, pushing it into the wound. He aimed for his lungs; it was painful and unpleasant, as far as death went, but it gave him enough time to press it all the way in, deep enough that there was at least an inch of flesh above it. He did the same with the next shard, and the next, as he felt his lung collapse, as he tasted blood, and then leaned back against the pillar and died.

When he woke again, his skin had mostly healed over. Kanda checked the ground around himself carefully, but it seemed the pieces hadn't been pushed out. He didn't think they would have, but he felt a bit smug at being proven right. The cores were designed to stay in them, after all; to have their flesh knit back around them forever.

_Alma's last resting spot is mine and mine alone._ He put a hand over his chest and drew a slow, deep breath in, let it hiss out through his teeth. There was no guarantees from here on in. He was going to make an enemy of the Order himself to finish off his last obligations to this world, and then he could stop. But he had confidence. Maybe no reason for his confidence, but when had he had that? Whatever. He'd do it because he had to do it and then he could rest. He was pretty sure he could keep the Order from using him like they had Alma. Too many people, stupidly, would go to bat for him. Alma had never had that.

_Well_ , Kanda thought stubbornly. _Alma has it now._ When they died this time, they'd be together, stay together. 

This time, they could do it.


End file.
